The Vigour of a butterfly, 2020 | Poetry

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The most stable things take time.

The further it blossoms the wilder the reward.

In the unconscious years after birth I wasn’t privileged to this knowledge.

My knowing came with experience, which was pain, struggle, loss and depression.

When I finally woke, fully and not goat-eyed it wasn’t blissful right away, but a sense of meta-normalcy came over me.

I was like Eve in the garden, the hurt made me wiser and so I saw things naked and more clearly after.

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Yes, time came and passed me by and to be honest I still want to go back into a ball of confusion, feeling unloved, uncared for, no attention given or sent.

Where I have no true agency over my emotions and logic, but what will that yield?

For in the space of all those precious silts of sand I could have gone elsewhere…far far away from all that made me weep. 

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Sometimes it’s a choice and at other times its purely breathing.

Sometimes its skins I wear to adapt to present and sometimes it’s simply a wall to stop intruders who cannot enable.

And sometimes through medication and Gods divine intervention its simply a miracle. 

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I wake in and out of days and months pass by, before that it’d be weeks and I can’t find my own location.

My family, friends and lovers can’t find me, I am nowhere but here too, and I want to explain but can’t. 

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But you can. 

Virgo right?

Yeah

You, Love yourself

.

Sister right

Yeah

You, Hold your head high

.

Baby right

Yeah

You, Mummy and Daddy love and support you

.

Honey right

Yeah

You, Darling I adore and respect you

.

Artist right

Yeah

You, Creator continue and never stop

.

Bipolar right

Yeah

You, Take your talking meds, take your meds meds, journal more, value yourself more, don’t be defeated, share your life, let people in, explore the world, kiss yourself in the mirror, eat lovely, honour your temple, feel everything and shut out things that don’t bring you peace.

Do not be so afraid to try, breathe and finally surrender.

 

Baby there is no measure for your flaws, there is no capacity for your growth and there is no scale for the nuances of your vigour, vibrance and vitality; you are simply a being moving through the dome of succession, alongside the plenteous distractions from things weighted in evil, mediocrity, falseness, vanity, abuse, destruction and so on. 

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They are never easy things, never so feathered or butterfly-kiss heavy, they are things that will move impulse to madness. 

You are love, light and true, don’t let it sweat you out.